Have you ever been in love with someone you knew you could never have? Loved them so deeply and fully yet felt like they don’t even know you exist? Felt as though everything you said to them, every trusted confidence, every confession of feelings, every little tidbit of everyday life was never heard? I have. And it hurts. You see the one you love on a regular basis and feel so empty from these encounters. You feel small bits of your heart break away knowing the feelings you have will never be returned. Yet you can’t help yourself and continue to return to them consistently. I’ve actually felt this way twice.

The first gentleman I met several years ago. I found his rugged good looks appealing. His character strong. He came across as a very strong, intense, and assured man. He knew what he wanted and no effort was wasted to obtain that desire. He bulldozed his way through any obstacle in his path. Many that have met him think him cocky and obnoxious. But when I gaze into his captivating blue eyes that all fades away as you see his heart and soul. His passion and compassion. And when you peer into his soul you know that his passion rules his life and that his compassion directs his rules. He is my first love and I still get together with him most every Tuesday night for about an hour. Occasionally I find time to spend a couple of hours together now and again at work.

The second gentleman I met not quite two years ago. His looks were more classically handsome, almost aristocratic. His passion for life and the lives of others was obvious and infectious. He appeared very poised and assured. He seemed very intelligent as well as educated. Even when things around him seemed to be crashing down and falling apart he maintained his calm and composure. For those whose lives seemed to be spinning out of control he was a rock of strength and comfort. But in his strength was humility. In his humility was compassion. And in his compassion you could see how deeply he hurt for those around him. And wanted more. Wanted better. And when life returned to normal his demeanor never changed. His passion and humility are always apparent. He truly seems to care about those who cross his path. About those who have situations in their lives that would bring most of us to our knees…or lower. I don’t get to see him near as much as I would like. On rare occasion I can spend a few stolen hours now and again while I’m at work. But those occasions are rare, few and far between.

By now you must think I’m crazy. To love two men. Two seemingly perfect men. And feel as though they don’t even know I exist. However, have you figured out who these two men are yet? Many of us know them. Some of us also have these feelings of unrequited love. Ok, maybe love wasn’t quite the correct word to use for my feelings for these men. Respect, adoration, lust. Very accurate. The first man I truly fell for is not even a US citizen. I first met him on Tuesday nights at my house…about 8 pm. On the TV. As the star of House. Most call him Hugh Laurie. The second man I desire. I met him during the landing of Hurricane Katrina. He was on location, in the middle of the storm as it landed in New Orleans. He has a regular show on CNN titled 360. He is known as Anderson Cooper. Both of these men have captured my mind, my heart, and my respect. They are assured in what they do. Passionate about work and their families.

Neither of these men will ever cross my physical path. I have fallen for the respect and love I see in Hugh Laurie for his family. Though he current works and films in the Unites States he weekly flies home to the UK in order to spend time with his wife and children. What a great testimony to the importance and love of family. And lets face it..have you looked, really looked, into his eyes?!? It would be my greatest honor to be loved by a man like this. Anderson Cooper spends his life and his career covering the chaos and dehumanization of people around the world. Ok he does some fun fluff things too. But all is part of life. His pure and deep compassion for the people he comes in contact with, the people’s who story he tells is apparent in every camera angle he shows and every word he speaks. His interviews are profound and poignant. His narration and cover stories are personal. To be truly and personally loved by someone who’s love for humanity is so obvious would be so pure.

So yes, I love someone that I can never have. Or maybe that I have never met. I find these two men so attractive, not only for the physical appearance, but for their heart. And someday, if I’m lucky, I’ll find their qualities in a “shiny chested man”. And suddenly that love I can never have sudden has real, open, wonderful possibilities.