I looked into his eyes and I knew. Why did I look into his eyes? That’s the biggest mistake a person can make you know. Gaze into someone’s eyes and you learn more than you will ever want to know. The eyes can reveal so much. When I looked into his eyes I knew to the depths of my soul that my heart would be broken. I saw the differences in our thoughts about the relationship. I knew that he wanted to go places and do things that I couldn’t even consider. He would not be content with just spending time together talking and getting to know each other. He wanted romance and passion. Possibly even love somewhere down the road. He wanted something more. Something I could not give him. I needed the talking and getting to know each other. I needed the hanging out and just working on being comfortable. I wasn’t prepared for romance and passion. There was no way I was ready for love. But, would he understand that? If I told him? I looked into his eyes. Had I held him at bay for too long? I saw a hunger there that I could not begin to understand. But, I did not see love. I looked into his eyes and saw things I did not want to see. I saw things I could not begin to understand. And I knew. After tonight our time together would end. He reached across the table and took my hand. And gazed into my face. But he did not look into my eyes. If he had he would have known. And this night out of thousands of nights would be easier to face. He would have known without my having to say, yet again. That tonight would be no different than the others. He asked if I was ready? Ready for what he did not ask. Holding my hand he stood from the table and led us to the door. To the car. And the short drive to my house. He had a bit too much to drink. I had just a soda. But he drove. The trip was short just a few blocks in a backwoods hick town. We arrived at the house and let ourselves in. I made my way to the kitchen to put the coffee on while he found something to watch on tv or a movie. To be honest I can’t remember. The house was comfortable and we had spent enough time together to have a routine. Sorta. Carrying our cups I settled in on the sofa beside him. The mood was calm and the show was good. Just sitting like this, being close was enough. He leaned in to kiss me like he had many times before. I allowed it. I always allowed it. I wasn’t the most comfortable but I allowed it. Kissing was good. It was just a little bit romantic with just the slightest hint of passion. You could feel the passion in his kisses. Emanating from his lips. We lost a sense of time in the kisses. At some point his hands began to roam. I took them in mine and kept them where I was most comfortable. I sensed the frustration in his lips. The once again being shut down on his quest for passion. And I knew. My heart would be broken. Time flew by and the night was coming to a close. The wee hours of the morning were sneaking in on us. We said our goodbyes and I watched his old truck pull out of the drive. My heart of hearts knew I would never see him again. We had made plans to go to the races the next weekend. Our first “real” date. Not just hanging out at my house. Or a run to the bar where I worked so I could close up for someone. That is what we had been about tonight. As the next weekend rolled around I didn’t hear a word from him. I rarely did during the week as he worked out of town. When I never heard from him I tried to call. Nothing. No answer in response to my voice mail. I knew my heart would be broken. I just didn’t realize that I would be left to wonder. The phone calls stopped. He stopped dropping by work to chat. Later I heard from a mutual friend the reasons why. Oh, I knew them in my heart of hearts but I didn’t want to think on it. We had only been spending time together such a short time. But I knew this was the end. Not just with him but with everyone. I did not understand the rules of dating. Even if we hadn’t been “dating”. I wasn’t prepared to try to figure them out. Circumstances beyond my control had ruined my budding social life before it had begun. Years after everyone else had figured it out.